Reclaiming the Golden Rule
More Than Just Child's Play
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You can find a video version of this essay here.
Holy moly does the world feel nuts these days. Very few of us are thinking “this is fine.”
In the middle of this chaos, I had the precious opportunity to sit still on a meditation retreat for a few days. And what I remembered surprised me.
The insights I gleaned reminded me of the wisdom behind the Golden Rule, something I ordinarily twitchily eyeroll at and dismiss as Pollyannish nicey-niceism.
But I came away convinced that we need to take this rule seriously, intellectually and in practice, even (especially) when it seems that the world is spiraling into certain chaos.
A Quick(ish) Primer
My retreat was with Swami Sarvapriyananda of the Vedanta Society of New York. Advaita Vedanta is an ancient school of Indian philosophy. Its core idea is that beneath our apparent separateness, we’re all made of the same thing: awareness itself.
Basically, we’re like holograms: unique expressions of the whole, seemingly distinct but containing the entire pattern. Deep down, we’re the same fundamental consciousness.
And here's the coolest part: this is already true. Even when you just calmly stepped outside for a quick primal scream because your son just had a meltdown after you made him the tri-color rotini he asked for instead of the penne he actually wanted.
I’m sure you’re asking “But if we’re really all the same, why are things so messed up?”
Great question, with a simple but relatable answer: We forgot.
And that’s where things started to fall apart. By forgetting, we created separation. These perceived differences then hardened into divisions, hierarchies and enemies.
Living the Teaching
The good news is we can wake up and see through the illusion. Sadly for us, intellect alone won’t get us there.
For about 7 years, I was more interested in being the most knowledgeable Buddhist than an actual practitioner. I didn't meditate, didn't join meditation groups, didn't live it. I just wanted the gold star for Best-Read Buddhist (still waiting on my commemorative plaque, btw).
It felt safer to study awakening than to actually be still with myself or try to live the teachings. It’s so much easier to sanctimoniously be in the “right” backed up by 2600+ years of timeless wisdom when you’re perched up on your tower of books.
But according to Vedanta, true realization comes from Knowledge PLUS Practice (i.e., Meditation + Devotion + Selfless Service).
So we gotta walk the talk, my friends.
The Golden Rule, Reframed
And this is where the Golden Rule returns.
Treat others how you wish to be treated. Because there are no others.
Whatever you offer another, you offer yourself. And if we're all expressions of the same stuff, then we need to love and respect ourselves and each other. (No, I do not have time for your self-loathing).
This teaching appears across traditions. The commonality really is staggering:
Christianity - "Love thy neighbor as thyself"
Buddhism - “Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful”
Islam - “Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself”
Judaism - “What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary”
Taoism - “Regard your neighbor's gain as your gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss"
Practically speaking, it means when a coworker seems intent on undermining us, a family member casually makes an extremely loaded and definitely-directed comment or a total stranger blows up on us after we bump into them in the checkout line, we offer concern for them.
We remember times that we might not have shown up as our most brilliant shining selves. When we felt threatened, or exasperated, or expressed our concern in a strange way.
We get curious about what might be behind that person’s behavior: how they view the world, what they’ve been through and what they’re trying achieve or protect against. We take a beat, instead of channeling our inner Jersey girl and popping off on them..
An Objection
I can already hear you saying, “That sounds nice, Allie, but it’s not realistic. There are people out there trying to destroy me, trying to destroy all of us.”
And you’re right.
There’s a lot of people out there who think we’re living in a zero-sum world, and who are playing ego-driven games.
Treating others as you’d treat yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that you allow someone to physically harm you. But it does provide a compass to help guide how you respond. If you retaliate, it’s likely that they retaliate right on back.
It’s not clear to me how that cycle ends, and we see this playing out in so many geopolitical conflicts and on a smaller scale in decades-long family feuds and ruptured relationships.
Our Only Way Out
To be honest, some days it really does feel like the world is ending. The evidence for despair accumulates daily. Just turn on the news, scroll through social media, watch the conflicts, protests and wars unfold.
But I believe that the world is also (always) beginning too.
What if the Golden Rule — the corny cliché we pinned to class bulletin board and promptly outgrew — is actually the sharpest wisdom we’ve got?
And what if seeing through the lie of separateness — taking seriously that there are no “others” — isn’t woo-woo hocus-pocus, but our clearest shot at not tearing each other apart?
When we experience someone as fundamentally separate from us, it becomes easier to dismiss their pain, justify their suffering, or rationalize their destruction. But when we recognize that harming another is literally harming ourselves, that their liberation is our liberation, everything changes.
The problems we face — war, inequality, polarization, climate change — all stem from the same root: the illusion that we are separate, that your wellbeing has nothing to do with mine, that we can thrive while they suffer.
It’s easy to destroy the other, especially when we think that they deserve it.
Those carpenter bees are destroying my house.
Those technologies are destroying my industry.
Those people are destroying my country.
If we can take the Golden Rule seriously, we can easily see the consequences of breaking it. Every act of violence, every “us vs. them” policy, every choice to sacrifice others for our gain grows from the same false root: the belief that we’re separate selves in competition, not expressions of a shared whole.
Consider this an invitation to reorient towards the Golden Rule, towards love, towards recognizing the preciousness of each other (yes, even those people).
If we all pointed towards love, even imperfectly, maybe that's how the world begins again.
The way things are going, what’ve we got to lose?
A Practice
If you’re inspired to bring the Golden Rule into adult life, here’s a practice that’s been helping me lately. It’s adapted from a Buddhist practice called metta, or loving-kindness, and I consider this version highly inspired by
and with a h/t to Tara Springett (via ) for the heart emoji visualization.Reflection Prompts
What feeling am I avoiding or overriding?
What would it look like to offer myself compassion in this exact moment?
How far can I extend that same compassion, without needing to fix or control?
Allie...thank you! Perfectly written and explained 👏🏼 💓