A Harvard Law grad, negotiation expert, and author of Unlearning Silence, Elaine has spent the last decade teaching people how to have difficult conversations. But it wasn’t until she confronted her own self-silencing that the real work began.
We talk about how silence gets rewarded, how it gets internalized, and what it really means to reclaim voice.
Timestamps
00:00 – Introduction: From being praised for silence to reclaiming voice
01:53 – Meet Elaine Lin Hering: Negotiator, author, and voice advocate
03:42 – Law school dreams vs. the reality of silence in systems
05:36 – How Harvard’s negotiation program shifted Elaine’s path
07:28 – Not everyone uses the tools—we need to ask why
09:26 – Diplomatic or self-silencing? Allie’s moment of truth
10:35 – The myth of neutrality and how silence upholds power
12:23 – A trash moment + George Floyd protests = a reckoning
13:45 – Redefining voice beyond “speaking up” in meetings
14:42 – Being “easy to work with” and getting passed over
15:44 – How silence benefits the status quo
17:24 – It’s not just courage—it’s the system too
18:25 – Is it wisdom or fear? Silence as discernment
19:43 – Key test: Are you choosing silence—or is it choosing you?
21:06 – Signs you’re defaulting to silence without realizing
22:17 – Short-term cost vs. long-term consequences
23:36 – Conversations we avoid that keep us stuck
24:08 – What happened when Allie finally spoke up
25:48 – What’s the best that could happen? Try a micro move
26:44 – Naming your fears humanizes the conversation
27:20 – Don’t rob others (or yourself) of the opportunity to connect
29:42 – A law firm departure story + what Allie learned
31:17 – Elaine’s script: How to bring someone into your process
33:29 – Repairing conversations: Do you want to?
35:08 – When you’ve said it and they still don’t hear it
36:51 – What Elaine had to unlearn to write the book
38:03 – From amplifying others to finding her own voice
39:38 – Why we must act, not just think about using our voice
40:17 – Impact stories: What happens when people stop self-silencing
41:03 – Voice isn’t a switch—it’s how you move through the world
41:53 – From bullhorns to micro-moments of humanity
42:24 – Where to find Elaine + her book Unlearning Silence
Bio
Elaine Lin Hering is a speaker, facilitator, and former Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School. She works with organizations and individuals to build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She has worked on six continents and facilitated executive education at Harvard, Dartmouth, Tufts, UC Berkeley, and UCLA. She has served as the Advanced Training Director for the Harvard Mediation Program and a Managing Partner for a global leadership development firm. She has worked with coal miners at BHP Billiton, micro-finance organizers in East Africa, mental health professionals in China, and senior leadership at the US Department of Commerce. Her clients include American Express, Chevron, Google, Nike, Novartis, PayPal, Pixar, and the Red Cross. She was named a Thinkers50 global management thinker to watch and is the author of the USA Today Bestselling book Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully (Penguin).
